No matter what, you’ve got to
hang on to your sense of what’s really important. I’m trying. I’m really
trying. Since February I’ve been dealing with a skin condition. Annoying at
first, it has become the focal point of my life. I admit, it’s not life threatening
and by no means do I mean to diminish the concerns of people with real health
issues, but I’ve had enough.
It’s gone from a fairly
localized rash to the point where it covers, literally, my entire body. It
itches intensely, it looks awful, it keeps me up at night and I feel sub-human.
I look like a walking audition for a zombie movie. I’d make an awesome leper in
a remake of Jesus Christ Superstar.
The first doctor I saw, when
the situation was still fairly contained, gave me creams and sent me on my way.
When I returned for follow-up,
still blooming, I was sent off to an allergist. Multiple skin and intra-dermal
tests later I was told to take over the counter antihistamines and return to
doctor number one. Doctor number one took a few invasive biopsies and sent them
off to test for gluten sensitivity. Both tests were negative; green light to
eat gluten. In the interim I was due for a physical. My GP reviewed all the
paper work and proclaimed that doctor number one probably got it wrong, I
should start a gluten free diet.
So gluten free it is, and
bless him, Dan joins me. He found gluten free croutons to enhance the Caesar
salad and a loaf of bread to make BLTs, because it is tomato season. The bread
was an adventure. As Dan put it, more like bread crumbs who decided to get together
in a bag and pretend they were friends. It was a less than satisfying
sandwich experience.
On Saturday, we met my sister
and her husband for Tosafest. There was a petting zoo and camel rides. My
snarky brother-in-law suggested I ride the camel – it might be the cure! What
other opportunities would I have? I rode the camel. There has been no change in
my condition.
In my insane desire to get to
the bottom of this skin mystery I turned to the miracle that is Google. There’s
the usual WebMD and Mayo clinic. I’ve perused forums looking for whatever the
doctor’s have missed. I’ve seen a lot of horrific pictures of people in worse
shape than me. I even got sucked into watching a 6:18 minute video of some
young ladies cleaning out their aunt’s impacted pore (not the best idea Aunt
Grace, they should have at least worn rubber gloves.)
Today I saw specialist number
three who took a detailed history and then, without even taking a look at my
skin, proclaimed that I needed to see someone who knows even more about red
itchy skin. I am now patiently waiting to find out how
many months it will take to get that appointment, in Madison no less. Specialist number three also said
I was OK to eat gluten (Dan cheered) and I should bathe “as infrequently as
possible.” I have two problems with this. The first is how much more attractive
not bathing will make me feel. But second, and more importantly, a shower is as
good as two hours of sleep. Seriously, doesn’t a shower refresh you and bring
you to life in the morning? And if I exercise and shower at night, well that’s
just like taking a nap before bed and I’ll never fall asleep.
This stupid rash has become
the focal point of our lives. It is a constant distraction at work. It has
affected my concentration in some other very important areas (nothing like
adding an extra dollop of frustration onto my itch pie.) While Dan is rubbing
me in with this goo or that, I know how bad it looks. But this too will pass.
We’re past the days when there was $17 in the checking account on Wednesday and
payday is Friday. Dan’s not wrapping beer cans around the exhaust anymore. The
boys are happy and living fun lives far away. And I’ve got an itch. And Dan is
still picking out costumes for Key West, which is coming up fast. (I'm thinking some sort of gooey mummy costume might work.)
Before we left doctor three’s
office today I explained that we had a tropical vacation on the horizon, and
she agreed to give me a prescription for powerful steroids that would clear my skin for week or so. I look forward to the break from the itch, and the
vacation.
So, nothing really funny in
this one, but it is a slice of life. Having seen dear friends and family go
through much worse, I will not complain (occasionally, irrationally break down yes, complain
no). And when this gets fixed, I will not take my skin for granted again!
And while I wait for my next
appointment with doctor number four I am actively taking referrals for any of the following (living
testimonials of success required):
Witch doctor
Voodoo priestess
Faith healer
Medicine man
Exorcist
Sorcerer
Gypsy queen
Wizard
Wizard
