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| Vanilla |
In a post I wrote on January 6, 2011 called “Do it yourself, Atomic Boy”, I mentioned “Vanilla Teasers”, with the promise of an explanation. So here it is. I’m a Midwestern girl, with corresponding sensibilities, modest wardrobe and approach to life. Serious risk taking scares me, especially when it involves a personal investment. Five years ago Dan began researching this wild, week-long party in Key West called Fantasy Fest. Dan, always crazy over Halloween, became possessed with the idea of going. I’d walk past the computer to see picture of painted, scantily clad people and would remark “If you think I’d wear something like THAT you are sadly mistaken.” Dan’s comment was always the same. “Feel free to wear a Burqa, I just want you to be comfortable and have fun.” For two years Dan corresponded with Fantasy Fest veterans about the things to do and not do. During that time two ladies sent me almost the same e-mail: “Hon, take that special nightie that you would only wear on special occasions and throw it in your suitcase. By the third night you’ll wear it out on the street.” Dan was dealing with some freaks—an intervention may be in order.
Gradually, partly due to exercising, I started looking at those pictures differently. I starting seeing that these were not all 21-year-old hard bodies at this shin dig, there were a lot of women like me. In fact, there were a lot of women there who clearly didn’t run, bike, swim and lift heavy objects for no reason. I started looking at the nightie drawer with possibility.
With that said, two years ago I somewhat reluctantly agreed to our first Fantasy Fest. On our first trip we were joined by four great friends. We all researched the themes for the nightly parties, brought appropriate costumes, participated in the four-hour long parade down Duval Street, and had a wonderful time. Back at home, we downloaded the borrowed laptop where we had stored photos during the trip. As we watched the 1200-plus photos transfer, Dan looked at me with just a bit of surprise, and commented that “it looked like you had more fun than I did!” It was a revelation for us both.
Last year, Dan and I returned on our own. I bought some new swim suits and planned costumes for the evening events. Wearing one of my outfits—completely covered, mind you--many people with cameras asked the 25-year-olds wearing just paint to move so they could get pictures of me. One flash after another, the reason for lifting heavy objects was made clear.
In another instance a sly over the shoulder smile and a kicked-up leopard high heel resulted in hundreds of flashes going off at once. So many, in fact, that Dan didn’t get the shot. “My God, you just channeled Betty Page,” was his remark as I walked back to him. (From Dan, there is no higher compliment in the world.) A photographer who did get the picture shared it with Dan. It hangs in our Betty Page room, unless the room is set to a “G” rating, as it is for most parties (more on that in a future post). Affirming? Yeah, I’d say so. Times one hundred.
Prior to last year’s trip Dan had proactively participated in an internet forum and made virtual contacts with other people who were also going. As we were not traveling with friends this seemed a good way to make introductions prior to the week. As a result, we were invited to two parties. The first, a clothing optional pool party; the second a surprise birthday party.
Yes, you just read clothing optional pool party. For Dan, no problem, as he constantly reminds me that when it comes to men, “you can’t think simple enough.” For me, that falls under unbelievably serious risk taking. After all, I’ve got a 53 year old body marked by significant stretch marks, a nasty C-section scar and I suffer from the cruel effects of gravity (stupid, stupid laws of physics). However, as the invitation reads “optional”, then I have the option to leave all my clothes on.
The day arrives, we get on our rental bikes and head over to check it out. I must admit that I was repulsed and intrigued by the idea of witnessing a few naked people eating picnic foods. We walked in the courtyard and found, I don’t know, maybe 150 naked people in and about the pool. Dan immediately stripped off his suit and jumped in the pool. After about 5 minutes, and feeling self-conscious because I was overdressed, I lost half my suit and found Dan in the pool. What passed was a surreal afternoon of people talking about their kids, their jobs, the ingredients in the chip dip and the next vacation on their calendars. We stayed for about 2-hours, met some very nice people and had a great time.
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| "Red" night |
That evening, the night-time theme was “Red”. We put on our outfits and headed out to the first stop, Captain Tony’s. There was a nice crowd, live music and pirate’s punch. Standing near the bar a couple who had been at the pool party stopped to say hi. Conversation was animated and we found a lot to talk about. He and I had worked for the same employer; he had taken a work transfer to Florida. She (as Dan has reminded me 100 times since) was wearing a skin-tight, one piece white Speed Racer jumpsuit unzipped far enough to fit in at Fantasy Fest. Needless to say, she and Dan were having an intense conversation. And then there were the odd comments that her husband would lean over and whisper in my ear. Did I just hear what I think I just heard? Yes, that’s what I thought I heard.
So, he comes right out and asks “What do you guys do for fun?”
Dan turns to me and says, “Paula, why don’t you start?” (I slowly turned and stared at Dan, thinking really, are you really that unaware?)
I slowly turned back, smiled and said, “Not so much.”
Him, “Not so much?”
Me, “No, not so much.”
Him, “Well when you take out the not so much, how much is left?”
Me, “Not so much.” (I’m an outrageous flirt, that’s all the much he was going to get.)
Him to his wife, “They’re ‘not so much’.”
Her, “Really?”
Him, “Yes, let’s go dance.”
And off they went. Dan turned to me and asked “what the hell just happened?” I grab his hand and walk as fast as I can out the door and down the street. About a block away I finally stop and say, “They were SWINGERS, they wanted to have sex with us.” Dan, momentarily stunned, replies “But she was hot!” (Insert the sound of an old transmission being shifted without the use of a clutch.) The bulb still not coming on. “Dan, they wanted to have sex with us!” You can now hear the gears starting to engage. Dan repeats “But she was hot!” I wait, knowing that shifting Dan out of “I get to stare at cleavage” mode takes a while. He gets a huge smile on his face and says “high-five, we’re HOT.” And it is true, when it comes to men you can’t think simple enough.
We meandered through various bars and at midnight found our way over to the surprise birthday party. Walking into the backyard we once again find people in various states of undress. This time, we both stayed fully clothed. We started talking to one couple, from Minnesota. She was wearing a snowflake skirt and no top. He had on a shirt and shorts. Suddenly, there it was again, were we interested in a little fun? Dan jumps in, confessing to having “fallen off the turnip truck earlier in the day” and no, thank you, we were not interested. They were totally cool, as was Dan. I, on the other hand, had had enough, it was time to leave.
The next day we had reservations for a clothing optional cruise. Dan, sensing my displeasure with the entire turn of events, figured we would just skip it and head to the pool for the day. My Midwestern frugality kicked in and I insisted we go – it was pre-paid. At the pier we found a group of 30 people, many who seemed to know each other already. We recognized one couple and Dan bravely stepped up to chat. We introduced ourselves and Dan relayed our “adventures” from the previous evening, quickly setting expectations that we were not looking for any extra-marital activities.
This was our introduction to our now dear friends from central Wisconsin who started laughing and nodding in understanding. She explained that they were not interested in that either and, in fact, there is a name for couples like us – “we’re Vanilla Teasers.” Fun to be around, but no funny business. Since then we’ve had several opportunities to spend time with our new Vanilla Teaser friends and have enjoyed their company immensely.
