Addendum

So, I thought this blog had come to a close. Of course, life throws curve balls and we are forced to deal with them. Dan passed away on February 27. Literally dropped dead. A heart that was restarted, but sadly, too late to fully recover. Decisions that were easy, yet incredibly painful. And now, here I am with a path ahead that does not include him.

I've been blessed to be surrounded by family and friends who have managed difficult tasks, guided me through tough decisions and continue to watch out for me. This town of Safety Harbor really has been a safe harbor for me. Friends across the country have reached out to express their sympathy. I have a pile of cards filled with beautiful messages. I am so grateful for each and every person who lifted me up with kindness and care.

As I reflect on almost 46 years of marriage, and over 50 years of being together, I feel blessed. Dan was a truly amazing man who challenged me to live life in a big way. We created and raised two incredible men - my boys are everything to me. Carl has enhanced my life with a beautiful wife and granddaughter. Hunter has a wonderful partner. They have all been so supportive, checking in and providing wonderful opportunities to visit and recharge.

My life has changed considerably. I mean, cooking for one? Lonely days and nights. Waves of tears. Frustrations about daily activities, car and house stuff that Dan always happily managed. Dan's doberman Sieben, who is now my foster dog, gets me up in the morning and continues to need love, walks (always a challenge) and attention.  

One finds a way to cope. A soothing meditation of coloring books and gel pens quiets the brain. I've filled so many pages. A lovely late afternoon glass of wine with neighbors who brighten my mood. Friends who have stepped into the Dan void to help with Sieben and give me a break - I can't thank them enough. An afternoon spent in the pool with friends and a picnic of good food. The volunteer work and the incredible people I volunteer for and with - such amazing support from them as well. "Three Musketeers" Friday with my wonderful sister and brother-in-law gets me out on a weekend evening. A personal trainer who gladly fit me back into his schedule, telling me he was planning to chase me down if I didn't call soon.

Our love story should have lasted longer. I'll take every minute that we had and cherish the memories. Tell your family you love them! I miss Dan's voice saying "have I told you today how much I love you?" (That might be my second and last tattoo!?) Don't pass up that opportunity to share your heartfelt emotion with family and friends through word and action. Life continues for the living and I am learning to live with this loss. There will be no closure, just acceptance and an embrace of all the wonderful people and things I still have.

Love to you all and thank you for checking in.

Paula