Dark, but true, context about the first plan

I need to say straight up and for the record, this is not a work of fiction. People who can write fiction have an imagination and an ability to tell stories. I can only tell the truth, as I have no imagination and a passable ability to tell stories. But I do have something better. I have Dan.

In my last post I said Dan does not plan to reach 54. This was absolutely the truth. He has an exit strategy. This truly means that he does not intend to get old, or become an invalid, or die of some debilitating disease. Which is not to say he hasn't been on the road to a heart attack, or a stroke, or who knows what else, because he hates seeing a doctor.

Here are the facts. Dan has watched too many of his relatives waste away, young at heart and feeble of body. This is never going to happen to him.  He told me this early and often in our relationship. Initially I did not believe him, it was too crazy to be true. But the longer we were together and the more opportunities I had to experience his resolve, the more I came to fear and then believe it was true. If you are having any difficulty with this, let me say it more plainly. He is planning to end his own life before nature can find a way to slowly end it for him. Was that 54, is it still 54? I don’t know for sure, but that is what he has always told me.

A critical reality check came for me when Dan turned 50.  He and best friend Malcolm had made a pact to have a pie fight in honor of their 50th birthdays.  This pact, made while still in college, seemed years away. Overnight, there it was, Dan and Malcolm's 50th just around the corner. They planned, and executed, a stunning birthday event complete with over 500 pies and over 100 guests. 

Now what? Four short years from Dan’s self-proclaimed end date, he had already provided Carl and Hunter with disposal instructions for his ashes (a topic for another day), and this was pressing on me. I had one ace to play and I played it – “don’t even think about this while your mom is alive, it would devastate her, she’s already lost one son.”  He agreed that would not be wise. So you can see, as a couple, relocating anywhere was not something I ever needed to think about.  I had a more pressing matter at hand. I needed to come up with a plan…

Music that resonates:

Warren Zevon -- Don't let us get sick