The trouble with normal

For years I’ve been listening to an insightful performer by the name of Bruce Cockburn. He’s got a lot of angry political songs on his playlist. From one of the songs I extracted a line because if felt like it applied in all situations - the trouble with normal is it always gets worse.

I’ve always thought about that phrase in the context of aging. I get older and the long term effects of gravity become more visible. I’ve aged into routine and uncomfortable preventive diagnostic protocols. My fertility wanes with unpleasant side effects. My parenting emphasis has shifted from babies to toddlers to young children to pre-teens to teenagers to young adults, and so on.

One of the things I fear about the idea of relocating is what that means in terms of a life milestone. When I think about moving south, I must admit, I think of a stereotype (bad, bad Paula). Old people, gray haired people, retired people, weak and wimpy people move to warm and sunny climates because they can’t handle the extremes in temperature, the snow shoveling, the leaf raking, mowing the lawn and tending the garden. I feel like the big move means giving up and getting old, because, as the song says, normal just gets worse.

In order to more fully explore this notion I sat down and completed a self-styled “is normal worse?” exercise to validate my perception – I used two points in time, 10 years apart, for comparison.  Suffice it to say that 20 years ago was not memorable.

PROOF POINT	10 Years ago	Today	Normal
Marriage	21+ years; a lot of “discussions”; intimacy - meh	31+ years; great communication;   intimacy - breathless	+  It just gets better!
Parenting	Teenagers; 16 & 14	Adult children in Philly and Chicago	+ Low key parenting stress
Work	Laid-off and between jobs collecting unemployment	Project manager with pension, 401k, health/life benefits, excellent salary	+ Improved
Health	30+ pounds overweight; pre-diabetic; high cholesterol	Would like to lose 10 pounds; normal blood sugar; improved cholesterol	+ Improved
Family	Parents, 4 brothers, 2 sisters	Parents, 3 brothers, 2 sisters	- Loss of 1 to Big C
Housing	Valued at high end of market	Lost value due to economy	- Same house, new roof, less equity
Fitness	Couch potato	Could complete a sprint triathlon tomorrow	+ Much improved
Hair color	Blonde	Blonde with reddish highlights	= No change in methodology

So, that’s 5 in the plus category, 2 in the minus and one unchanged. My take away? Life “gets different”, but it doesn’t have to “get worse”. I can’t stop aging, but I don’t have to be old. My hair color can continue to come from a bottle to match the current aesthetic. I don’t want to retire today, but no one is asking me to, and I certainly won’t want to work forever. Family dynamics inevitably change, so it’s best to concentrate on the quality of relationships. And I’m not wimpy or weak unless I choose to stop moving and go back to the couch.

I’ve decided to return those lyrics to the song, placing them back in their original context. With all the political nonsense and lack of civility it will be nice to move to the Conch Republic. After all, they seceded where others failed. That’s my kind of normal.

Music that resonates:

Bruce Cockburn -- The Trouble with Normal